Never again

I feel so hollow

Empty and drained

Nothing left but a shell

Of a heart you obtained

Now I’m left to pick up the peices

Of a girl shattered

Mocked by your actions

Showing how little I mattered

Could you not feel

Could you not see

How broken I am

How much I wanted you to want me

I’ve given you everything

My heart and my body

And yet you’ve discarded me

With a snap of your finger

Then boom I’m gone from your life forever.

You dont deserve me

You dont deserve my love

That needs to be given to someone

That will treasure it not shatter.

For the moment I am hurting

But soon I will understand

You were nothing more than a lesson

A lesson learned never to do again.

Dear Heart

Heartbreak will you go away

Leave me at peace and never come back

You’ve spoiled it all for me

Promised things that was never ment to be

Cold heart could you stay

Freeze my feelings from existing

Build a wall so high that I will not break

Never would I like to feel this ache

Heartless I am not

Please heal so I can be free

I want to be able to breath and start living

I wouldn’t want to be unforgiving

Heartbeat I want to feel

The pounding caused by passion

The sudden urge to fall and soar

The butterflies surging to my core

Whole heart will you hurry

I’m desperate to feel unbroken

Promise me this will all come to end

I am done crying I want my heart to mend


Darkness covers the windows

Doom coats my heart

Again he comes at night

Again he comes to my side

Silenced by a hush

Numbness was welcomed

Closing my eyes

Praying for his bye

Heart raising

He sat on my bed

Prayer not answered

He watched me slumber

Pretending was all I can do

I snored loudly

Hoping that would persuade him

But he just played with my limbs

Slowly he pulls off the covers

Slowly he undresses me

I slow my breathing

I can feel his body heating

A single tear roll down my cheek

As he lay beside me whispering

I don’t hear what he says

I just wish I was dead.

His touch is sickening

Panic filled my body

Please not again

Why won’t this torture end

I’m his sweet girl he says

Daddy will make it all better

I want to vomit

And there’s an action I want to commit

I keep a knife under my pillow

This is the night I protect myself

But every night the darkness covers the windows

And every night doom coats my heart

Cold shower


Hey babe was wondering if you need anything from the store? Leaving work.


Yes. Ice cream.


What flavor?


I don’t know. Vanilla?


Are you asking me? Do you want vanilla?


If that’s what you want.


I don’t want ice cream. You said you wanted ice cream.


I know what I said. I was wondering if that flavor was ok with you too? Scratch that, let’s do chocolate.


Babe I’m not wanting ice cream! I’ll get you your chocolate. Anything else?


Don’t yell at me! Yes, I would like white wine also.


I’m not yelling at you.


Don’t roll your eyes at me either.


Lol. You know me too well.


Yes I do 💋 could you get ice too. Please.


Alright anything else or should I wait for a list?


Haha that’s all. It’s going to be an eventful night.


Now I’m intrigued. What do you have planned?


Fifty Shades of you😘😘😘


I’ll be quick 😈


I hope not


You know what I mean. See you soon.


Ok just around the corner. Be ready for me….


Babe why is your sisters car in the drive way?


Omg sorry babe I didn’t see your texts.


Tammy had a fight with her boyfriend so she’ll be staying the night with us.




Don’t pout. Could you bring the stuff in? Tammy needs a drink.💋❤💋



Would you live your whole life not knowing love? Or would you risk your heart to have a taste of it?

We all grew up first loving our parents or parent.  But how about if our parents or parent wasn’t  worthy of our love? What of then? I think as children we are vulnerable and are easily suaded into thinking what love is. An abusive parent could manipulate a child into thinking if they were hit it was because they were loved.   Or a parent could taint a child’s view of love by an inappropriate touch. By the time we are in our adolescent years we reflect on that by how love is.

Now we go through first love, puppy love, as I would like to say it. So now what? You get butterflies in your tummy,  you blush when your crush sees you, you try to be all macho for the one you like, you hide yourself to try to be someone else, and then we try explore what these feelings are.


We ask ourselves would they like me? Do you think they would call? Am I pretty enough? Am I smart enough? Am I just enough? The list goes on and on and on. Why do we put ourselves through it? Was that really our first experience of love? I know mine was. We were told our childhood molds us so it is plausible to have all these doubts. Even children from loving homes would have doubts. Was it because they were shown so much love and affection that they wouldn’t know how to receive it from outside of their family? Well, we are also just talking about adolescent years here so I wouldn’t know what to tell you. All I know is when my children ask me what love is, especially at a tender age, I would say doubt is not love. Once you start doubting yourself they are not worthy of your affections. 

Now to adulthood.

By this time do we have any grasp what love is? Or are we still searching for it? I’ve spoken to many people on what they think or feel on this subject. Some are undoubtedly in love and you can see it on their faces.Their eyes light up, they have this infectious grin, and they can’t stop talking about it. Their love story’s was worth a happy ending.

Some haven’t found it. Some lost it. Some thought they found it and are now trapped in a loveless relationship. And some stay in a relationship for responsibility reasonings.
Why do they torment themselves? Wouldn’t they want more?

I know I did. I didn’t want to stay in a loveless marriage. I didn’t want a marriage of convenience and I definitely did not want to stay in an emotional abusive relationship. So I made my choice and searched for “More”.

My “more” which I found, well we found each other, has been a dream come true. He’s understanding, makes me laugh often, loving him in private is carnal bliss, and being loved by him is pure magic.

As an adult I could truly say I found love. It took heartache, self learning, self loving, and a lot of forgiving to get here but I did. To me love is sacrificing, endless and heaven on earth.

         A lifetime worth having.


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When the light falls
When the night calls
All I want is
For you to be with me

When the song ends
When the heart bends
All I want is
For us to be

When the heart beats
When our bodies heat
All I want is
For you to touch me

When our lips meet
When you taste so sweet
All I want is
for this to never end

When we lay dawn
When you make that sound
All I want is
Our bodies needs

When you settle in between
When I breath you in
All I want is

When you come alive
When you bring me high
All I need is
For you to catch me

When the light calls
When my heart falls
All I want is
For you to love me
Posted from WordPress for Android